Nurse

A little old lady was running up and down the halls in a nursing home. As she walked, she would flip up the hem of her nightgown and say

"Roll up roll up, supersex on offer."

She walked up to an elderly man in a wheelchair. Flipping her gown at him, she said, "Fancy some supersex ?"

He sat silently for a moment or two and finally answered, "I'll take the soup."

Prank Calls and telemarketers

Prank Call to ASDA



This is what you can say to a telemarketer


If they want to loan you money, tell them you just filed for bankruptcy and you could sure use some money. Ask, "How long can I keep it? Do I have to ever pay it back, or is it like the other money I borrowed before my bankruptcy?"

If they start out with, "How are you today?" say, "Why do you want to know?" Or you can say, "I'm so glad you asked, because no one seems to care these days and I have all these problems, my sciatica is acting up, my eyelashes are sore, my dog just died...." When they try to get back to the sales process, just continue on with telling about your problems.

If the person says he's Joe Doe from the XYZ Company, ask him to spell his name, then ask him to spell the company name, then ask where it is located. Continue asking personal questions or questions about the company for as long as necessary.

This one works better if you are male: Telemarketer: "Hi, my name is Judy and I'm with Canter and Siegel services.... You: "Hang on a second." (few seconds pause) "Okay, (in a really husky voice) what are you wearing?"

Crying out, in well-simulated tones of pleasure and surprise, "Judy!! Is this really you? I can't believe it! Judy, how have you BEEN?" Hopefully, this will give Judy a few brief moments of terror as she tries to figure out where the heck she could know you from.

Say, "No," over and over. Be sure to vary the sound of each no, and keep an even tempo even as they're trying to speak. This is the most fun if you can keep going until they hang up.

If MCI calls trying to get you to sign up with their Family and Friends plan, reply, in as sinister a voice as you can muster, "I don't have any friends...would you be my friend?"

If they clean rugs: "Can you get blood out, you can? Well, how about goat blood or HUMAN blood - chicken blood too?"

Let the person go through their spiel, providing minimal but necessary feedback in the form of an occasional "Uh-huh, really, or, "That's fascinating." Finally, when they ask you to buy, ask them to
marry you. They get all flustered, but just tell them you couldn't give your credit card number to someone who's a complete stranger.

Tell them you work for the same company they work for. Example: Telemarketer: "This is Bill from Watertronics." You: "Watertronics!! Hey I work for them too. Where are you calling from?" Telemarketer: "Uh, Dallas, Texas." You: "Great, they have a group there too? How's business/the weather? Too bad the company has a policy against selling to employees! Oh well, see ya."

Tell the Telemarketer you are busy and if they will give you their phone number you will call them back. If they say they are not allowed to give out their number, then ask them for their home number and tell them you will call them at home (this is usually the most effective method of getting rid of Telemarketers). If the person says, "Well, I don't really want to get a call at home," say, "Ya! Now you know how I feel."
How to Prank a telemarketer


BT Telemarketer Gets An Earfull



If you have videos or jokes let me know
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Prank call and what to do in a department store

15 things you can do at while shopping:

Get 24 boxes of condoms & randomly put them in people's carts when they aren't looking.

Set all the alarm clocks in Housewares to go off at 5 minute intervals.

Make a trail of tomato juice on the floor leading to the restrooms.

Walk up to an employee and tell him/her in an official tone: 'Code 3 in Housewares' . . and see what happens.

Go to the Service Desk and ask to put a bag of M&M's on lay-away.

Move a 'CAUTION - WET FLOOR' sign to a carpeted area.

Set-up a tent in the Camping Department -- and tell other shoppers you're sleeping over; invite them in if they bring pillows from the Bedding Department.

When a clerk asks if they can help you, begin to cry and ask: "Why can't you people just leave me alone?"

Look right into the security camera, use it as a mirror and pick your nose.

Dart around the store suspiciously, while loudly humming the them from "Mission Impossible."

Hide in a clothing rack . . and when people browse through, say: "PICK ME!!! PICK ME!!!"

When an announcement comes over the loudspeaker, assume the fetal position and scream "NO!...It's those voices again!!!"
And last but not least:

Go into a fitting room, shut the door and wait a while... then yell loudly: "There's no toilet paper in here!"