Going to heaven , new words

WHICH PART OF YOUR BODY GOES TO HEAVEN FIRST?


The nun teaching Sunday School was speaking to her class one morning
and she asked the question, "When you die and go to Heaven...which part
of your body goes first?"

Suzy raised her hand and said, "I think it's your hands."

"Why do you think it's your hands, Suzy?"

Suzy replied, "Because when you pray, you hold your hands together in
front of you and God just takes your hands first."

"What a wonderful answer!" the nun said.

Little Johnny raised his hand and said, "Sister, I think it's your feet."

The nun looked at him with the strangest look on her face. "Now, Little
Johnny, why do you think it would be your feet?"

Little Johnny said, "Well, I walked into Mommy and Daddy's bedroom the other
night Mommy had her legs straight up in the air and she was saying, "Oh !
God, I'm coming!"

"If Dad hadn't pinned her down, we'd have lost her."


TESTICULATING. Waving your arms around and talking Bollocks.

BLAMESTORMING. Sitting around in a group, discussing why a deadline was
missed or a project failed, and who was responsible.

SEAGULL MANAGER. A manager, who flies in, makes a lot of noise, craps on
everything, and then leaves.

ASSMOSIS. The process by which people seem to absorb success and
advancement by sucking up to the boss rather than working hard.

SALMON DAY. The experience of spending an entire day swimming upstream
only to get screwed and die.

CUBE FARM. An office filled with cubicles.

PRAIRIE DOGGING. When someone yells or drops something loudly in a cube
farm, and people's heads pop up over the walls to see that's going on.
(This also applies to applause for a promotion because there may be
cake.)

SITCOMs. Single Income, Two Children, Oppressive Mortgage. What yuppies
turn into when they have children and one of them stops working to stay
home with the kids or start a "home business".

SINBAD. single working girls. Single income, no boyfriend and desperate.

STRESS PUPPY. A person who seems to thrive on being stressed out and
whiny.

PERCUSSIVE MAINTENANCE. The fine art of whacking the crap out of an
electronic device to get it to work again.

ADMINISPHERE. The rarefied organisational layers beginning just above
the rank and file. Decisions that fall from the "adminisphere" are often
profoundly inappropriate or irrelevant to the problems they were
designed to solve. This is often affiliated with the dreaded
"administrivia" - needless paperwork and processes.

404. Someone who's clueless. From the World Wide Web error message "404
Not Found," meaning that the requested document could not be located.

OHNOSECOND. That minuscule fraction of time in which you realize that
you've just made a BIG mistake (e.g.
you've hit 'reply all')

GOING FOR A McSHIT. Entering a fast food restaurant with no intention of
buying food, you're just going to the bog. If challenged by a pimply
staff member, your declaration to them that you'll buy their food
afterwards is known as a McShit with Lies.

BEER COAT. The invisible but warm coat worn when walking home after a
booze cruise at 3am.

BEER COMPASS. The invisible device that ensures your safe arrival home
after booze cruise, even though you're too drunk to remember where you
live, how you got here, and where you've come from.

GREYHOUND. A very short skirt, only an inch from the hare.

MILLENNIUM DOMES. The contents of a Wonderbra, i.e.
extremely impressive when viewed from the outside, but there's actually
naught in there worth seeing.

MONKEY BATH. A bath so hot, that when lowering yourself in, you
go:"Oo!Oo!Oo! Aa!Aa!Aa!".

MYSTERY BUS. The bus that arrives at the pub on Friday night while
you're in the toilet after your 10th pint, and whisks away all the
unattractive people so the pub is suddenly packed with stunners when you
come back in.

MYSTERY TAXI. The taxi that arrives at your place on Saturday morning
before you wake up, whisks away the stunner you slept with, and leaves a
10-Pinter in your bed instead.

PICASSO BUM. A woman whose knickers are too small for her, so she looks
like she's got four buttocks